Tasting doesn’t have to be taxing
14th October, 2010
Quaffing with style
Wine tasting by its very nature should be a fun, exciting, enjoyable and relaxing experience. Why, then, is it so fraught with pitfalls and opportunities for sheer red-faced embarrassment?
I remember the first time I went to one of those stuffy, white tablecloth wine fairs and the horror I felt when people chastised me for swallowing, rather than spitting, and the perpetual feeling of hunger growing ever more prevalent as water biscuits proved less than adequate sustenance for an afternoon quaffing dozens of different wines.
I also remember forcing myself to learn wine tasting etiquette in an attempt to stave off any future embarrassment at the hands of bespectacled, sniff-slurp-spit old-school wine types who almost look like they are competing among themselves to see who can look the most professional, experienced and knowledgeable of the crowd.
I spent hours, maybe days, perfecting the slightly-arched-eyebrow look as I hovered my nose a couple of centimetres above the top of a glass, gently rolling the glass around in my hand to make whatever was inside swill about. This, admittedly, looked rather odd when I was down the pub with a pint, but then again I just thought I was looking all the more knowledgeable and sophisticated for it. How wrong I was. I looked like an idiot.
That’s not to say these jumper-wearing, notebook-carrying, wine-wasters who choose to spit rather than swallow are weirdos – far from it. It’s just that for you, I and the vast majority of the wine-drinking population, the very notion of spitting is close to sacrilege. Why waste a perfectly good drop of wine? After all, if I’ve given my afternoon over to wine tasting, the very least I expect is to come away from it having had my fill of good wines.
This must not be mistaken with an excuse to get wasted, however. Not only is the risk of sending dozens of bottles of high-quality plonk crashing to the ground enhanced with every gulp, your ability to retain the contents of your stomach rapidly reduce. Which brings me back to those cursed water biscuits.
The nutrient-free palate-cleansers might be alright for the seasoned pros, who are there in a purely professional capacity and couldn’t possibly be seen by their peers to be sullying their tongues with anything that carries a hint of wine-impairing flavour. Us mere mortals, however, need food. Proper food. Food which is going to fill us up, leave us satisfied and able to soak up the booze slowly filling our system.
We want sandwiches, we want crisps, we want cheese, canapés and big chunks of juicy meat. After all, you wouldn’t sit in a pub munching celery, so why must we deprive ourselves of sustenance at a wine tasting? It would certainly make life safer for the carpets.
Before heading to the Fine Wine Fair, make sure you’ve had a decent meal. Fill up on carbs and other booze-busting foods before you turn up, and be sure to visit the meat and cheese stands at regular intervals. Leave the water biscuits to the professionals.
Nala Egdol.
Written by: Matthew